Plus, if you ever need to talk I'm here for you even if you just want to pop in and say hi :)
nobody’s ever really happy to find out they’ve stayed up too late.
it used to be a cool achievement but now it’s like
"fuck. god damn it. not again. shit."
cute date idea: let me sleep in your bed for hours on end because I’m tired of being a person
"Cole once hosted a party in which the attendees discovered that they all had the word "bottom" in their surname."
This man is my hero.
He’s like a Monty Python character.
I have a story.
So my sister got run over by a car once. It was a pretty big deal. Well like a year later she got into a little fender bender and was really bent out of shape about it, so I went and got her a cake.
When I put in my order for the cake, the guy at the bakery asked, “Do you want it to say anything?”
And with a perfectly straight face, I said, “‘Sorry you got hit by a car again.’”
He narrowed his eyes a moment, then nodded and wrote it down, and took it to kitchen to get the writing done.
All the way from the back of the kitchen, I hear a woman shout, “‘Again’?!”